Thomas moved into our home at age seventeen. I was so happy to have him there, he seemed damaged but content to live with us. I was very naïve to his head injury symptoms and personality changes and I was right down stupid about recognizing that a teen his age would have the ability to find out about substances to take to feel better and help his headaches. By the time I started to figure out these patterns, a year had slipped by.
I recall one beautiful Spring morning in May, the sun was absolutely gorgeous, the air was clean and crisp and the new flowers in the gardens were stunning. We had recently bought Thomas a car, which would turn out to be one the biggest mistakes we made. Thomas gave me a kiss good-bye on my cheek and as he went through the door he exclaimed, “I am so happy! the perfect car, the perfect job, this is like a dream.” As I watched him get into his car and drive off, a sense of accomplishment came over me. We had supported him in getting this new job, we had bought him the car and some new clothes. Everything seemed perfect. Shortly after that wonderful feeling of accomplishment, a feeling of deep sadness and worry set in and I could not shake it. I wondered why I was worrying so much, he seemed so happy and excited, and my husband and I were doing much better with him than his parents.
My first mistake was thinking everything was perfect. The second was buying him a car. The third was helping him get into a job that was too stressful and demanding for him at his age, head injuries and emotional immaturity. The fourth mistake was thinking we could do better than his parents.
I recall asking Thomas how work was going; was he keeping up on his emails, mail and deadlines? He always answered positive but I could see concern in his eyes. Finally, weeks into his job I asked him if he needed help, did he want to quit or could we assist him? He broke down and said he did not know what he was doing on the job, the emails had piled up so much that he did not know how to get caught up on them. As he headed off to work that morning, my gut felt something was definitely wrong.
It was really late and I called Thomas and asked where he was. He was still at work and said they had had a work party and he was trying to catch up. I fell asleep and around 1:00 am, I received a phone call I never expected to get, nor do I ever want to receive again. An officer stated his name and said Thomas had been picked up for drunk driving and if I came down to where he was, they would release him to me.
I hurried to the street address given me, as I arrived an officer got out of his car to speak with me. I could see Thomas in another police car with an officer talking to him. The one officer approached me, asked my name and relationship to Thomas. I provided the information and he proceeded to tell me Thomas was going 65 mph in a 30 mph zone. The officer stated he had watched him pull up to a light and not completely stop, then picked up speed quickly and was swerving. He told me how lucky he was that they stopped him before he went through a red light, hit and/or killed someone. I felt absolutely sick and numb, how could this be our Thomas? There had been one instance when he came home late, I thought I could smell alcohol on his breath and when I confronted him about drinking he gave a very good excuse and I believed him. Or I wanted to believe him. Thinking back now, I had a feeling he was drinking and I was not firm enough, I guess I was afraid to upset him. The all time BIG mistake adults make.
One of the officers wanted to book him into jail that night, the other officer was kind and willing to let me take him home. I recall sitting in my car watching Thomas get out of the police car and come over to my window to speak with me. I could tell he had taken in a significant amount of alcohol. He thanked me for not yelling at him. He went back over to the officer to get his paperwork and I watched the officer give him a big hug. It took me by surprise; I was impressed, teary, grateful and angry all at the same time. As Thomas got in the car, the one officer swung around and drove off the other way down the road. The officer that had hugged Thomas was in front of us driving and then he turned right and as we approached the intersection I turned and looked and there was no police car to be seen. There was no way that car could have disappeared because we were right behind it. I slowed down as I drove through that intersection looking for the police car, nothing was down that road! It was as if an angel had been there to help Thomas avoid hitting anyone or anything and make sure he came home with us that night.
We felt thankful, but little did we know or understand the roller coaster ride that was coming and would take us for a ride we could never have imagined. A scary, rough, long, exhausting and dangerous ride.
